A concept of team bonding

I was interrogated on Monday for my misbehaviour during a fake team bonding events where the CEO is present. I can’t help but think, did I do the correct thing by not participating in their so call events. Well…. the answer is as followed…..

I don’t think team bonding is a one time event. It should be an daily practice and habit. Why should we wait till the CEO is around then arrange for a compulsory bonding which sounds so fake?

I am aware and my management have acknowledge that the CEO is more important than my pending jobs too. They also agreed to the fact that this is an opportunity for them to polish the apples too. Of course I am referring to peaches, if you translate it into hokkein. But anyway apple polisher is the same as a peach polisher (hokkein).

Apart from that I was asked why I change into a different person within months. Well, the reason is simple. I don’t see the bond of a team at all in my company. What I see is the following. It’s normal to hear comments like, “I am sorry, this is not under my area of responsibility!! please settle it yourself…” but if the MD (European) were to asked them. the replies will be as followed, “No issues on that Sir!! I can easily get it done.”

I am sorry I really can’t visualise any signs of a bonding at all. I only visualise a team of polishing cloth of class avant grande. Therefore I rather be condemn than to degrade myself. Oh ya… my contracts stated that getting sack entilted me to 3 months salary. It’s more than what we will get for my Bonus… LOL… So I started to become aggressive towards my colleagues and agents and even to the customer. But do note, my quality work is still top notch.

Well, I told the management, I could put on my poker face again and change my attitude again to the past, only on one condition… I want the choice to choose if I want to participate in a fake team bonding event.

Surprisingly, they agreed to it…. lol… how cheap can this company get. Well. At least now I need to degrade myself anymore. I could staying on for a year or two or wait for them to sack me. I know they won’t do that… It’s painful for them to pay me 4 months instead of 3 months.

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I still think of u…

Through out my days in Germany 2 weeks back. They is someone who is always in my mind. She’s the only one I really wanted to see when I am back in Singapore. Strangely, no matter how agonizing the day is. Thinking of you always bring a smile to my face…. 😉

My luck has fallen again….

The whole of last week has been kindda shitty. 1st…. my agents failed to fulfill their share of the job which lead to unnecessary issues. I have to do the servicing too. Jobs wasn’t schedule properly by the end user too resulting in many lost time. Apart from that Friday is the most worst last week. I can’t believe I was force to procrastinate my customer urgent job. What is more important? Getting a urgent job done or satisfying the CEO with a fake team bonding events. I call it the hold the CEO balls event actually. Apart from that, CEO is not happy that I refuse to take part in the events. Well, my right arm is sprained badly and my knee is swollen too. What do u expect from me? I am not like the rest of the dogs u rear. I am not interested in your game of fetch at all. I rather be in the field settling dispute for the customers and agents.

Battle in my mind

I have stress for the past few days. Doubtful of my behaviour and angry over social media for being able to convey the message swiftly over the clouds.

I started to ponder to myself over some comments posted on her wall. I think to myself deeply, am I really just a guy who is looking for challenges, or am I truly just a fool? I am already aware of the answer. I am not a fool or a challenger. What you see of me is what you get. I need no reasoning to justify my action and behaviour. I will allows my hearts and feeling to guide the way with it’s own irrational logic. Therefore it my feelings that asked me to confess and it is my heart that said I have waited long enough.

I was asked many times what am I stress about, but I choose to keep silence about it in the end, I was afraid it might create necessary stress for her. Nights of insomnia is nothing compared to the suffering she might be induced with.

Hours ago shortly after my workout, I saw a twit that actually creates an imaginary battle in my mind. I keep thinking with hesitation…. I can’t decide at all should I mention back a not. In the end I decided to mention back, I am not sure if this is a good answer that I have mention back, but I feel this is better answers. No matter the outcome, the last thing I want to see is her suffering or frustration.

I won’t ask for much in life, I just pray that she will be blessed and hopeful for the future not with grievance, regrets or sorrows. Just the girl who I might have known 2 years ago.  A prey to be which turns me into a prey instead…

Hopefully with this post I would be able to sleep better tonight….. And I will still be waiting….

A thought is all it need to change

It has been weeks since I come back from Germany. During my visit there, I was grateful I was on my own as usual. Giving me more time and space to think and so reflect on my life. I guess the number 30 did have a great impact on me. Yes I am 30 years now.

I got the opportunity to clearly think about my life for the past few years. The only thing that comes to my head are the following.

  • Drink, Drank, Drunk
  • Ladies, Girls, Char bor, Viet Gal, Thai Gal, China Gal, etc….
  • XXX XXX XXX (You know what I mean!!! :))
  • Debts, More Debts and more more debts
I am sure it is too late to repent on mistakes that I have done previously, I can’t guarantee that this time round I would be determined enough to change for good. Nor do I know if I could really be a better man. It’s crazy but I have really decided to change.
I have created excuses for myself all these years for not picking up the guitar, to keep fit, or to save money. Even though I spend quite a few for my parents. But in the end, if I remove all the undesirable habits that I have. I shouldn’t have a problem at least with the guitar or my fitness.
Some of common one are  the followings
  • I am too busy with work to play the guitar
  • I need to fly most of the time. How can I commit to fitness?
  • I am very stress. Therefore I need to drink and have XXX frequently
  • I can’t sleep without drinking because I got insomnia….
In the end, it’s all about determination and concentration.
Recently, I only have one or 2  beers at home at the maximum. Compared to the past, Drinking from 8pm till 2am. Taking taxi back after that. How much do you think I have spend on that?
Too busy for the guitar and to keep fit?
Hmm… I realised my tone and empathy for the guitar is gone because I have lost the commitment to play. In the past, I spend most of my weekends playing the guitar. But because of partying, I just left them lying in their bags. Some of them even become an idea  home for the pests. After two weeks of playing, I realised my body have memories of how I used to play and hold the guitar. It is just waiting for me access them again. It remembers how it should sound. I was the one who have forgotten it. Well, I used at least 1  hrs a day to train my fitness too seems I stop partying on a daily basis. It is possible now because the influence of alcohol is no longer  in my body. I felt more energetic even though my insomnia is still bothering me.
Too many thing to pay?
Hmm…. In the past, pay day is the day where I party till dawn followed by explicit CCA. But now, I realised I was the one who have overspend resulting in accumulation of debts. I realised  that 70% are on booze and gals and hotel. So I was the one who  dug my own graves. 25 k disappearing in less than 3 months is an unpardonable mistake….
In the end…..
It is never too late to change for the better, I guess I wouldn’t be bother if people really believe me at all. It is my responsibility to right the errs of my life till now.  But I believe it is never too late to repent….

Sleeplessness

Great…. insomnia as usual. Tired yet unable to let my head rest at all. What am I truly seeking? Reasons, truth, faith or inner peace?  I do not know anymore. Going to work as a norm. A routine fixed yet staggered at the same time. Sense of achievement? It seems cloudy nowadays. What do I truly seek in the end? I don’t know nor can I tell anymore. I only wish for a certain variable to be as stable as it is. That is what I yearn for now.

hmmm…. What’s in my head?

I can’t believe I decided to confess in the end. I am not sure if things will work out… but let’s leave that for fate to decide.

I am not sure if  I really was waiting for 2 years or am I just a flirt or something. Who cares… most people will think I am a flirt… lol